Yesterday I wrote about how lonely this journey can be. Today I struggled again with what to say, which is very unusual for me. I have so much to say but not sure how to show people the true journey without actually living in our house.
Today’s post is a short one because I can’t figure out how to condense it all for you. I could talk/write for hours on this topic and I don’t think I could make you understand the struggles within the system. I still don’t even understand some of it and we live it. This is at the top of what stresses me out, as a parent who has a child with a disability. It really sucks the life out of you.
Have you ever checked out a flyer from a political candidate where they ask what are the most important topics for you? We have had so many in the mailbox lately with the Manitoba election and not one lists disabilities/accessibility as an issue. “Internet Quality & Cost” was even listed on our local MP’s mail out, but nothing about disabilities. That is how the government sees families with disabilities…
As I sat and watched our provincial election results last night in Manitoba, I feel some hope and optimism but also know I have to be realistic. This journey teaches you to be hopeful but also teaches you really fast to be very cautious and guarded.
Government programs are a huge struggle here in Manitoba. Healthcare, Education and Social systems are all very difficult to manipulate, wait lists are very long and funding is very low and everyone either fits in the “box” or doesn’t. I say this all the time, Ema does not stress me out, the system does. The government system is a bit like Rett syndrome, just when you think you have it figured out, something happens to shake your world and you are struggling again and lost.
We have been in this system for years, since my oldest son was young. I have seen a decrease in services and funding and a huge lack in empathy from leaders and community… which is the hardest part to swallow.
I have struggled with these posts for Rett Syndrome Awareness. Deciding to and then telling people about all parts of Rett is way more difficult than I thought it would be. I am feeling a bit of regret and disappointment for thinking I could do this. I have worked really hard to curve my negativity over the years, to find the positive in every situation, I wouldn’t have survived very well otherwise. (I still have lots of work to do) I don’t want to come across as ungrateful in my posts because I don’t feel ungrateful at all for having to live in the Rett world. Not one bit.
I am sure this is a common question that lots of parents who have children with disabilities get, I get asked it alot “What is the most difficult part of the journey for you?”
There are many many many difficult parts but personally I would have to say loneliness or the feeling of no one understanding is one of the hardest things for me. Don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful support system. I have a supportive husband who works hard so I can stay home with Ema and care for her every need. I have many wonderful friends and family members who check in with me, who I am and will always be forever grateful for (they keep me going). But for the most part it is still really lonely and hard to get people to understand the journey. Many times when people ask “How are you?” the answer you want it to be or what it actually is, are way different then what comes out of your mouth.
“Good” “Fine” “Tired” “OK” are the usual replies.
If I am being honest, those are the easiest responses. The journey is long and we don’t really have the energy to answer properly. Rett syndrome doesn’t stop. It never gives you a break. It doesn’t matter what stage you are at. (Managing gets easier as you learn to better cope in a healthy way)
If I was to answer people honestly, I am scared that I might not stop talking. It has happened a few times and I walk away feeling like I just overwhelmed that person with everything Rett and scared them away. I still need those relationships so I don’t want to overdo it and have them avoid me, but in the end it makes me feel like we are in this alone.
I haven’t written anything in a long time. I am not a great writer so I shy away from it (I hear my high school english teacher Mrs. Shewchuk in my head as I write this), but as you know October kicks off Rett syndrome Awareness month. This month is always tough for me. This October will be the 10th anniversary of Ema’s official diagnosis. As much as I want to raise awareness, knowing its importance, I also know Ema doesn’t like me talking about it.
I thought long and hard about how I would like to try and raise awareness for my friends and family this year. I have been pretty quiet regarding the difficult parts of the Rett journey over the past few years. As Ema gets older and communicates more, we realized that she doesn’t want her private business out in the world. The journey with Rett does seem to get easier as you adjust, but it NEVER goes away, something people don’t understand. I try really hard not to put negativity into any of my posts surrounding Ema, so for the most part I avoid sharing the difficult things. It is very easy to sound/feel negative, ungrateful or just plain angry on our journey with the health care, education and social systems. Every step seems like a loney uphill battle. None of this is Ema’s fault and I would never want her or anyone else ever to think that.
For people to understand our journey and Rett syndrome, I believe we should be showing you all sides of the journey, not just the accomplishments and smiles. I thought I would take you through some of my experiences, thoughts and feelings as a parent this month, the ones that are not as easy to speak about or hear, the ones we deal with in private. This journey has changed how I see people and life in general.
When reading my posts this month, please remember this is only my point of view, many parents in the Rett world see things very different then I do. We all live in different situations and are at different points of our journey. I want you to also know that Ema has changed our family and we wouldn’t want it any other way. YES, I wish I never had to see Ema in pain. I also wish so much that I could hear her speak again, but Ema is who she is and we love her the way she is, unconditionally. Ema has taught me more life lessons in 15 short years than anything or anyone else. If you allow her too, if you sit back, watch and listen, Ema teaches us every single day, even at the end of those really really rough days. Through all the hills and valleys, Ema has taught me how to have more empathy for everyone, how to see things from someone else’s point of view, to have way more patience (even though I still could use a lot more) and simply just to take one day at a time. I have a long way to go, lessons are still being learned every day.
Today I am going to leave you with a post that another mother wrote. It sums up much of the journey. Written by Kate Swenson of Finding Cooper’s Voice.
Written by Kate Swenson of Finding Cooper’s Voice.
Special needs parenting changes us entirely. There is no denying that. Because the truth is — the first few years are going to pull you so far away from who you used to be that you won’t even recognize yourself anymore.
You’ll find yourself looking in a mirror, bags under your eyes, either heavier, or skinnier, and not recognize yourself. It looks and feels like you’ve aged a hundred years. Or maybe you are standing in a crowded room, feeling entirely isolated and alone, and wonder if you are invisible. You’ll wonder how your world can be so different. How you can relate anymore.
It will challenge everything you know. You will question yourself. Your purpose. Your strength. You will wonder why. And how. Why my child? And not theirs.
It will challenge your marriage. Your health. The way you parent your other children. Even your decision to have more babies. Your career and finances. Relationships. And not just with people. With God too.
You will experience the greatest love on this earth. And simultaneously wonder how it can be so hard all the time. You’ll get shamed for being sad. And for missing the almosts and the ‘should be’s.’
You’ll see the unbelievable beauty that this world holds too. Almost like you’ve been granted access to a special club. One full of forever hugs, This Little Piggy, Santa and smiles. You’ll celebrate milestones long after you should. And it will be amazing no matter when it happens.
You also see unbelievable cruelty. And it will take your breath away the first time it happens to you. To your child. You think you’ll be prepared. That you’ll come back with some witty, snappy comment. Only, you probably won’t. You will try and shield them from evil. And then spend the next few sleepless nights wondering how you can live forever and change the world at the same time.
At first you’ll feel like it’s a race against time. Against their diagnosis. You’ll do everything you possibly can. Your hope will be challenged. Then you’ll find acceptance and realistic hope. Then you’ll want time to stop. You’ll want to keep their bodies small. Because the world is kinder to children.
You’ll have days where you swear you can’t do it anymore. Where you are certain it will never get any easier. That it’s going to be this challenging forever. You’ll almost be unable to picture a world where you stand still. Where you don’t have to fight for basic rights, inclusion and easy.
And then you will have the most unbelievable moments. A moment that makes everything worthwhile. Your child will shatter a goal, a milestone, something they have worked on for years. And you will know it’s going to be okay. Because you believe in this tiny human and know that they are worthy and capable and amazing.
You will live and breathe hope and acceptance and kindness. And you will be sewn together with strength and determination.
Yes, special needs parenting changes everything. It turns you inside out and upside down. But here is the secret that you have to learn on your own. It also puts you back together as the person you were meant to be.
That’s the part that makes us lucky.
Written by Kate Swenson of Finding Cooper’s Voice.
I don’t share a lot about Ema’s health issues anymore. I prefer everyone sees Ema for who she is… a beautiful, funny 13 year old young lady.
Ema also prefers I don’t speak about her Rett journey to others. It is a fine line of raising awareness and not making Ema feel uncomfortable. I never want Ema to feel that “Rett syndrome” is who she is.
Lately though I have had more and more people asking me why I am so tired or are not understanding why I can’t help them with their projects. I don’t think people understanding the journey of living with a child with complex health issues so today I want to share a tiny snippet of one of the many many many things we go through behind the scenes.
Today consisted of many phone calls for Ema, one which was to get Ema’s EEG results.
The results of her EEG done two weeks ago is a bit better than the previous one. It was better but still showed seizure activity. With today’s call, neither her neurologist nor I are doing black flips but we do remain hopeful.
Ema seizures started around the age of 3 ½ (She is 13 ½ now). Many who have Rett syndrome also have seizures; It is pretty common. Our journey with seizures has been a very long one. Some years we couldn’t make it 4 weeks without a whole cluster of them happening. Her seizures are different kinds so you never know what to expect.
I honestly hate even mentioning that she has been seizure free for the last little bit because I am worried about jinxing it. I started having seizures when I was 19 so I know how they feel; It is one of the top health issues I wish Ema didn’t have to go through.
Along with Ema’s neurologist, we have agreed to slowly start decreasing one medication and increasing another over the next many many months. Our goal is to get her off one of the two meds. Even though it is a good thing to start reducing medication, the worry now increases to seizures starting again with the medication decrease.
I can remember the results from Ema’s first EEG like it was yesterday. It was Ema’s then pediatrician who read us the results. We sat in his tiny office with Ema as he looked over the results. As he read, he would say things out loud like “OH that isn’t good” and “OH!! OH!!” over and over again. I finally asked and he said “These are not like a normal EEG, these are really really bad!”. Looking back, I think this doctor is what I needed to light a fire under me but it still was really devastating at the time. He continued to say horrible things over the next few appointments making it impossible for me not to request a transfer to another doctor. (The new doctor we got, we still have to this day!)
So when I can’t help, it isn’t because I don’t want to, it is really because I am truly tired. It doesn’t matter if it is the results from her first EEG or today’s results, life is never quiet or calm or worry free when you have a child with a special need.
Ema’s class had to complete a Passion Project this year in grade 7. I honesty don’t know a lot about the assignment but I know Ema picked Women in Sports. We are surrounded in our community and in our family by so many exceptional female role models in hockey, I was not surprised to hear her main topic. Ema made it pretty clear from the start her passion is bobsled and skiing and not hockey. I am sure part of her love for other sports is because she got sick of watching hockey. We dragged to every hockey arena in our province for years, even when she wasn’t feeling well. Maybe it is because she just wanted her own “sport” to cheer for or maybe it is as simple as she says, “she loves the speed and the pressure on her body” of bobsled and downhill skiing. Ema has always been fascinated with Bobsledding and downhill skiing. With her physical disability, sports are not always the easiest to take part in but she loves getting the chance to try them and learn about them.
Ema lives with Rett syndrome and projects can take her a lot longer to complete then others because of the processing time she requires. She is just as smart (or smarter) then you or I, she just needs time to process and communicate it. Most of the time when in public or with people who don’t understand Rett syndrome, this processing time is considered to be her not knowing or understanding at all. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
We have developed a great working relationship with Ema’s school over the past 8 years. They understand Ema and Ema’s journey with Rett syndrome. It is not to say we don’t get things wrong or haven’t had our ups and downs, we have and do, but her core group gets Ema (and me). They understand she is like any other student and just wants the opportunity to learn and be included. The school understands that for Ema to be successful she needs to be able to communicate. Ema always has a form or two of communication with her (core boards & flip charts, iPad, eye gaze…etc) and works hard to learn. (except in math – she doesn’t like math) We all understand that we are learning together on this journey – each step is new to us all.
It was no surprise that Ema was doing a project, she is expected to do the same work as others in school. The school expects it and so do we. She does require extra time for projects because it does take her way more time to process and reply. Ema got sick in the middle of this project and I had forgot all about it. Yesterday I was called into the school because Mrs. Green wanted to show me Ema’s project. Ema had presented earlier that day with her group to her grade 7/8 class. They video taped her project so we all could see it.
Like I mentioned above, Ema did Women in Sports – Bobsledding and it wasn’t a surprise because we talk lots about female role models in our home. Her surprise for everyone, including her group, was that she got the opportunity to do an interview in advance with the one and only Kaillie Humphries, 3 Time Olympic Medallist in Bobsledding. It took me a few seconds for me to realize what was going on. It was a HUGE surprise to see that Ema got the opportunity to interview Kaillie Huphries and another huge surprise that Ema actually did an interview with a stranger!! To see the smile on Ema’s face was so precious. The confidence I saw in her was priceless. She was so proud of her work.
Ema presenting her interview with Kaillie Humphries, 3 Time Olympic Medallist in Bobsled
Ema interviewing Kaillie Humphries
Ema interviewing Kaillie Humphries
Ema interviewing Kaillie Humphries
Kaillie agreed to do an interview with Ema on Zoom. She learned about Ema and Rett syndrome in advance from our school resource teacher. She gave the school a question for Ema in advance too so Ema could think about and process her answer. When you have a disability, you are constantly having to prove yourself and it can be very hard on your self esteem. Answering in a crowd or for a stranger can make Ema’s apraxia worse. Ema has worked really hard to build up her confidence with friends and in public so we do whatever we can to continue building that confidence.
Ema was so proud to do this interview and keep this huge secret from everyone! Kaillie was so supportive and had words that Ema could relate with. Ema was still smiling the next day after reviling her project and special guest.
I absolutely love what I do. I love sports, all types of sports too. When I was a kids growing up, I played a ton of sports so for me it was a way to express myself. I felt more confident, I felt very happy, and I felt free whenever I did sports” – Kaillie Humphries
We are so proud to have a group of people who believe in Ema and who continue to give Ema opportunities others might not give her. We want everyone to see Ema like we do, a regular kid with the same hopes and dreams as anyone else. We want that for everyone who lives with a disability. We thank all the families and those living with Rett who continue to push for all of us and give us hope and give us the strength to push forward.
We can’t thank the group at our school enough for giving Ema the chance to be Ema. In a perfect world, all children would be given the same opportunities to an education but that isn’t reality for those with disabilities, not yet anyway. Thank You Mrs. Green and Ms. Lee for believing and working through some very tough scenarios on this journey and for helping us figure out how we can fit Ema’s education in to system that isn’t always inclusive. Mr. Arnel for always making sure Ema gets to take part in every sport and encouraging her to try and work harder. Ms. Westra & Mrs. Hall for pushing and working so hard daily to let Ema be herself and for giving Ema the same opportunities as her peers. Melanie, Ema’s school SLP and Jacklyn, Student Services Administrator Red River Valley School Division, thank you both for helping make sure Ema has the tools she needs to succeed and for going along with “thinking outside the box”. We as parents with children with disabilities have to continually push to have our children included and accepted. I thank you for being that group that believes anything is possible and who accepts Ema for her strengths!
A huge THANK YOU to Kaillie Humphries for taking the time to do this interview with Ema, to learn about Ema’s journey with Rett syndrome and to give her words of encouragement. The confidence and pride Ema showed in doing this with you is something we will all cherish. This goes way beyond an interview for Ema. Thank-you, what an honour and privilege.
December 1st brings another start to Elf on the Shelf in our home. Since Ema is almost 12 (December 30th) she knows the Elf on the Shelf (Sparkles in our home) isn’t real. I never did Elf on the Shelf with our older four children, but somehow he snuck in for Ema. I can remember having an Elf as a child but he just sat there! I wasn’t going to have him come back again this year…but then COVID hit.
Ema has a wicked sense of humor and when I saw a PINTEREST post about the Elf being in quarantine this year I thought I might as well bring Sparkles back for one more year to give everyone in the house a bit of a BOOST and some chuckles! (Manitoba is in a shutdown right now because our COVID numbers are the worst in Canada.)
How hard and how much work could it be to put the Elf in a jar…right?
Because Ema has been home since March with the exception of school, swimming at the YMCA in September/October and our Rett family gathering, the work is all worth it. My goal is just to bring some smiles to her face and give her some laughs, even though those laughs will likely be directed at me. Everyone in the house always loves the treats he leaves. Last night Lionel said he was sure the Elf would leave some good Cheezies for everyone??? (It wasn’t in the plans)
I am the only one in the house who really only knows what the Elf will be up to each day. Even though the older kids and Lionel will not admit it… they wake up looking for him too! Our one year old St. Bernard Walter is always looking for him too, but because he thinks Sparkles is a chew toy!
I fooled myself into thinking I would get a 14 day break from planning by having the Elf in a quarantine jar. Although this year is the most organized I have been, it has also required way more work and thought.
Everything I gathered for Sparkles this year was purchased local or from Etsy (Canada). A Huge Thank you goes to Elanor M. and Stephanie G. for helping me with a few items!
I will post a photo each day of Sparkle’s adventures in case you want to follow along!
Every year for Rett Syndrome Awareness month Ema’s school holds a “Purple day”. Every year it is arranged by staff and myself. This year has ended up being a bit different.
It started out normal with deciding that we would give each student in Ema’s end of the school (grade 5-8) a purple mask, we just hadn’t decided what that would look like yet or which day it would happen. We usually send home some kind of information on Rett syndrome and some years I go into answer questions for the kids. This year since Mackenzie is working in the school, she spoke to some of the younger classes. Each year always looks a bit different but we try our best to do change things up and make it new and fresh.
We realize we have to raise awareness but we always ask Ema in advance what she is comfortable with. Ema has to be comfortable with what we do or say about her. She normally doesn’t want Rett syndrome brought up in any conversation. We try and respect her wishes as we would for all our children but in order to advocate for her and raise research money so someday we can find a cure, we need to have these days.
I received a call from the school late Friday afternoon after classes had all ended. The resource teacher called to say she wanted to tell me about something the kids planned all on their own for the following week.
Since being back in school, kids have been holding “theme” days on Fridays. These are kid driven days and they come up with the ideas all on their own. One young lady suggested they have a “purple” day for Ema and then proceeded to ask all the other classes to take part; They all agreed. To know this was child driven and not teacher driven warms my heart. (and makes me cry)
This has always been what we advocate for. A friend of Ema’s, did this on their own without their parents or teachers pushing. It is the best feeling to have that young lady not need any encouragement and still support Ema for who she is. Ema’s friends are our future. It is times like this when I know our future is bright and I remain hopeful!
I once had someone tell me something similar about one of my older children and how they appreciated that they were there for their child with special needs. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t realize how important it was for peer support. I realize it now.
Ema is Ema. Ema is NOT Rett syndrome. It is so wonderful that she has friends who will advocate for her all on their own.
This Thursday (No school this Friday) the theme day is “Purple” at Ema’s school.
October 15th, 2013 is the day Ema was diagnosed officially with Rett syndrome.
“D” day is one of those days that people see in so many different ways, some remember it each year and others choose not too. For us, it is a day that we will never forget.
It was the day after Thanksgiving in Canada. We had received a call the week before asking us to come into genetics. Even though we didn’t know we were receiving the official diagnosis, it was a long few days. We thought we were going back for a follow up as they had asked us to bring Ema along. Ema was really struggling at the time with seizures and health issues. We did know something was different the day we arrived as we went to a blank white room with a table and chairs instead of the regular office. Neither of us were ready for what we were going to be told, even though we knew in our gut that Ema had Rett syndrome. To this day both Lionel and I can’t remember what was said in the meeting except “Ema has Rett syndrome” We can’t remember the drive home. We can’t remember anything else. We have no idea what happened when we got home. We both agree that the drive was quiet and nothing was said. It was one of very few days that sits vibrant in my mind.
To this day, I still appreciate the advice I received from the first parent I spoke to about Rett syndrome, Terry Boyd. Terry was the president of the Ontario Rett Syndrome association and also has a daughter who lives with Rett syndrome. Her words really made me think about how I saw Ema and how I treated Rett syndrome. I try hard to be that same person for those in Manitoba who receive the diagnosis now.
She told me that Ema was still Ema. Ema was not Rett syndrome. Ema was and still is Ema. Ema was just like anyone else but just happened to have to deal with a horrible neurodevelopmental disorder. She told me not to let Rett syndrome define Ema. We could either fight the diagnosis or accept it and move along with what really needed to be done to help Ema thrive. We decided to move forward and deal with making life as easy as possible for Ema. We wanted to give Ema all the same experiences as our other children.
“D” Day for us today is a way to celebrate who Ema is and reminisce about how far she has come. We get to celebrate so many wonderful therapists, doctors, teachers, friends and family who continue to stand with us and help along our journey. We thank each and everyone of you. We thank those in Manitoba, across Canada and the world who keep fighting and looking for a cure for those who live with Rett syndrome.
Many things can get in the way of making sure Ema stays healthy and gets the same opportunities as others but we take everyday, one day at a time. It is hard, really hard but the joy we get from Ema way surpasses anything we have to go through. Ema really is the one who battles hard every day. We are thankful to have Ema in our lives and love her unconditionally.
I welcome you all back! I haven’t posted to my blog in a long long time. We take many different directions as we travel down this journey with Rett syndrome and in life. I found myself overwhelmed and needed to take a step back. My intention now is to post more regular, but you never know how things will go. Thank you for taking this journey with me.
I have a few projects on the go right now. I will gradually fill you in on all of them but the first one I am writing on is something really important to our family.
In May I threw a surprise 50th birthday party for Lionel. He never asks for anything and just keeps working to make sure we all have what we need, never complaining. I wanted to do something for him as a way of saying Thank you. We managed to surprise him by holding a meal at Roxy’s, our local restaurant, surrounded by 80 friends and family. He really appreciated seeing everyone there.
Although all went really really well, there was one part of the evening that was difficult for him and our older children.
Most people either walked around or by Ema and never acknowledge her. This is something that never happened to our other four children.
Lionel and the older kids found it really difficult not to take personally, specially when it was all family and friends. I have become numb to it as I see it on a daily basis.
We have learnt to take a lot of things in stride after having Ema diagnosed with Rett syndrome. We understand people don’t know what they don’t know or understand. Some are scared to say or do the wrong thing, so they tend to avoid her at all costs. Even though we do understand, it is still one of the most difficult things for us to deal with and reason with.
For those of you who don’t know much about Rett syndrome, understand one thing …Ema understands everything, likely more then both you and I, the issue is the output. This goes for anyone who has been diagnosed with Rett syndrome.
You can speak to her like anyone else and she understands. For some odd reason though when a person can’t voice their words like you or I, they are assumed to not be competent. So, in hopes of helping Ema communicate better we are going to teach people how to model and engage with her, using her way of speaking.
We know by educating people and raising awareness, we will change things for Ema and all others living with disabilities.
If you speak with me you, you will often hear me say Ema is surrounded by wonderful people. Two of these people, Ema’s school Speech and Language Pathologist, Melanie and her school resource teacher Jona, have agreed to help hold a fun information night on AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) and Rett syndrome.
“Rett syndrome is a processing disorder; it’s not the input that’s a problem, it’s the output. Everyday she fights her biology to make choices” – Army of Us
By learning how to speak using Ema’s communication system, you will be ready to dive in and ask her questions, play a game, or tell her what you did on the weekend. The communication possibilities are endless! The more we all speak with Ema using her communication system, the more we all help her learn and grow.
September 12, 2019
7-8 PM
Oak Bluff Community School
There will be a brief introduction to Rett syndrome, but the AAC part will apply to anyone who is nonverbal. The evening is planned to be an hour long and be full of hands-on learning opportunities (with great hand-outs to go home)!
This will be open to friends, families – aunts, uncles, grandparents, school teachers and staff, respite workers, aids etc. We ask that those who are nonverbal not attend. We are asking that they don’t attend so that people feel comfortable asking questions and learning. We know that Ema HATES being spoken about when she is present. It makes her uncomfortable and we don’t want that for her or anyone else. We want a SAFE environment for all.
We will have both high tech and low tech devices. There will be a maximum number we can have at once. Please message me at guimond@mymts.net or call 204-770-0210 to register.
***Just a note: I am writing this after a very long day in a car with little sleep. My english and writing skills are not the best at regular times***
We have spent the day in Wilcox Saskatchewan, watching our older daughter Mackenzie play hockey in the Mandi Schwartz tournament. This tournament is hosted by the Nortre Dame Hounds. Tomorrow (Today) Mackenzie’s hockey teams plays for the championship.
Many times, living with a child who has Rett syndrome, we forget about our other children in our home. We forget how siblings are forced to grow up fast and become second caregivers. When you can’t trust anyone else to take care of your child, you rely on an older or younger sibling.
We rely on Mackenzie.
Mackenzie is our second set of hands. She is there in the hospital when Ema is having seizures, or at night when she can’t sleep or when Ema needs food or to be dressed or to be cleaned up.
It is so difficult for siblings to “escape” reality and live a normal kid life.
We have really struggled trying to give that type of normalcy to our other four children. For our older daughter Mackenzie, we have found that one place with Balmoral Hall School and the BH Blazer Female Hockey Prep team.
I grew up with a grandfather (Jimmy McFadden) who played in the NHL. He won the Calder trophy (Rookie of the year) and Stanley cup. He played with some of the best players who ever played the game…Jack Stewart, Sid Abel and Gordie Howe, just to name a few. Grandpa’s nephew Bill also played in the NHL, along with two of his children who play high levels of hockey still. So many people think having Mackenzie play with the BH Blazers is all about the hockey…but it isn’t. Hockey just turns out to be the bonus part.
BH has allowed Mackenzie to be a teen and to be her own person but it has allowed us to feel better about who we are as parents. (By lending us a helping hand)
Having a special needs child takes a lot of energy and time. In our hearts, we know we are doing our best, but sometimes we feel like it just isn’t good enough. Guilt plays heavy on us.
It took us awhile to figure out that not only were Lionel and I tired, but so were the rest of Ema’s siblingings. They all play such a huge role in helping and caring for Ema.
Mackenzie switched from a small hockey school program in rural Manitoba to attended a large school in Winnipeg for her grade 9 year. This was the same year that Ema’s seizures started getting worse. Mackenzie’s grades dropped and we had no idea what was going on or how she was doing or even what classes she was taking. We knew something had to be done, so for her grade ten school year we applied to have her go to Balmoral Hall School, a private all girls school in Winnipeg. The number of students in each class were lower and there was a different expectation. Right from the first interview we knew this was something different. We did have to make some tough decisions for it to all happen. Private school isn’t cheap and with all the added costs of Ema’s therapy and needs we really had to dig deep to make it work financially. Even with the extra financial strain, it has been a life saver for us all.
Mackenzie is thriving. School isn’t always easy but she managed to be an honor roll student in grade ten. (and hoping for grade 11) The staff have all reached out and have really helped her push herself. We knew she was capable of having great school grades but we spent so much time caring for Ema we ignored the fact that Mackenzie needed help too. At BH Mackenzie is not just a number. They have continues to support Mackenzie and our family. They continued to listened to us and have reached out in so many different ways.
Even though the school has helped Mackenzie exceed with grades and confidence it still wasn’t all Mackenzie needed to be “just a teen”. That is where her hockey team this season has stepped in. Because the BH Blazers play in the JWHL they travel mostly into Eastern USA and Canada. This part allows Mackenzie to “escape” our reality at least every third week-end, hang with her peers and be part of her own special group. These girls come from all different backgrounds and situations. This group of young ladies has been a life line for Mackenzie. To see her smile and really enjoy everyone has been a huge relief for us no matter what the financial cost.
The icing on the cake for us is that this group is great with Ema. There is nothing better than hearing all these young ladies say “hi” to Ema or ask her for high fives when they see her in the arena lobby. It not only means a lot to Lionel and I but it means the world to Mackenzie.
GOOD LUCK to Mackenzie and the BH Blazers tomorrow.
EYES on EMA 